I have had a discussion with a new friend I made in Montréal, who told me she went to a speed dating event and it was a lot of fun. So she suggested I should go to one and I rapidly replied I couldn't attend such an event, not because I don't like the concept (I did say it was a weird concept, but hey, don't you agree?), but because I'm just unable to do so.
I've been living in an emotional wasteland for more than 15 years. It doesn't mean that I don't feel anything, it only means that I've been forbidding myself to let a particular set of negative feelings affect my life. Of course, it didn't go as planned, I did feel a lot of stuffs, but by denying those feeling, I created a situation where I forgot how to recognise them. [...]
The past two weeks have been hectic. I should include the two previous weeks too, when I had to work twice as much as usual while pre-studying for my paramedic course, so I wouldn't have to worry about money during the course. But it was just busy, not especially emotionally charged. That's why I wanna focus on the two weeks during which I was doing the actual course. [...]